


The Unveiling  by Vulcan Lover

by KSForever



Category: Star Trek TOS - Fandom
Genre: Amok Time aftermath, Episode Related, M/M, Pon Farr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 16:09:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10251074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: Spock is tortured by what happened during his 'Amok Time'; his subsequent Plak Tow, on his and T'Pring's aborted wedding day. He is left emotional by everything he went through, and by, as he sees it, everything HE put Jim through...Jim, Spock's true T'hy'la, and marriage Bond mate, helps him heal.





	

The Unveiling 

“Don’t leave, Spock. Please.” Jim stood up from his desk, and pleaded with the Vulcan, who stood on the other side of it.

“I have to, Captain. I failed you.” Spock replied.

“How have you come to that conclusion?” Jim asked quickly.

“I have always thought that, barring needing to let you sacrifice yourself for the crew in some way, I would die to save you. I would die, rather than let you die.” Spock tried to keep his voice non-emotional. “The simple fact is; on Vafer Tor, on my wedding day, I proved my earlier, arrogant and ignorant, assumptions, to be wrong. I was not strong enough to die in your place. Worse, I was the one who killed you, in order that I may survive. I was, and am, a coward – a coward who killed the person with whom he professed, even if only to himself, in what he thought were his deepest thoughts, to be in love. Much as I wish to run away from anything Vulcan now, because of that horrendous moment, I have to leave for your sake, for the crew’s sake or the sake of anyone I may come into contact with in the future, I must go; for three reasons; I am of no good use to you; I may endanger you, and I am struggling since finding out who I really am. I may need a Vulcan Healer’s help; though, right now, I would prefer the help of almost any other kind of Doctor. I have considered staying, and asking McCoy for help, but it is best for you if I leave.”

“No!” Jim said, very firmly. “It damn well is not best for me if you leave! It’s not best for me, or anyone else! ” He paused from almost shouting; still glaring at Spock. “We’re the best team in the Fleet. I believe that we do our best work together – and, what’s more, Spock; I love you.” Kirk confessed at last, though he wasn’t sure of what would happen because of that confession.

“I love you, too, Jim, or at least, I was sure I did; but then, I let you down. Perhaps the people who say that Vulcans can’t really know or feel the full strength of love, if they can truly feel it at all; are correct. I was not selfless enough.” Spock inwardly chastised himself.

“Spock, you begged not to fight me. You were pressured, rail-roaded, and Heavily under the influence of fuck knows what, going into that fight. Your judgement was altered.” Jim reasoned.

“So, I am the type of person whose instincts to survive, whose fear, makes them willingly throw away the life of the person with whom they claim they are in love? I cannot love you very much, if that is so, can I? ‘Fuck knows what’ is a very apt description; what if every Pon Farr, or any other sexual moment, turns me into what I was that day? Again, I say, in the light of what I did to you then, and my raging hormones which will make, and did make, all of that so; I cannot love you very much, can I? If all of that is fact - Then, I cannot really be capable of loving you.” Spock pointed out.

“It is not so. You have attempted to give up your life to save mine, in the course of duty, or any other time of danger, more than half a dozen times. When you were deep in the Plak Tow, that was simply my time to repay you the favour, because I love you.” Jim tried to explain; talking so openly and plainly in his locked office, where he had flicked the surveillance cam ports to privacy mode, the minute Spock had told him that he was handing in his resignation.

“I still tried to kill you. All it took was a reminder of my insecurities, and pressure from my peers, for me to kill you, the man whom I have considered, before now, to very likely be my T’hy’la; my soulmate, Jim – my soulmate. I willingly, for all intents and purposes, killed my soul mate, for selfish reasons. I sacrificed you, who has shown me so much love, for the approval of people whom have shown me very little love, if any.” Spock reiterated.

“When you were fighting me; did you think that my body would give out so soon; did you apply all your strength in every weapon blow?” Jim asked.

“No. We have sparred before, and I have seen you fight others, whose strength is equal to that of my own, even in the full flow of Plak Tow; I did not think you would die so soon – and, I was still trying to hold back my strength, to find another way of ending the fight. I was maddened, enraged, by the Plak Tow; by T’Pau and T’Pring’s orders, and by my incessant need for sex,” Spock spoke awkwardly, and yet, still plainly. “but I was trying to stave off the over-drive to fight, and my infuriating need for acceptance from other Vulcans. It didn’t make sense to me that, here I was, still fighting you, when I wanted the chance to love you; but because I understood that that would not be happening, or even be possible, that chance to love you; my need for acceptance, and to finally succeed in proving myself to other Vulcans, took precedence. That is not love, is it?”

“Love is that even when your mind was being altered by something equal to psychosis inducing drugs, and when you were mostly unrecognisable even to yourself, you still fought not to do battle with me; every impulse that screamed at you, every person who placed the auto suggestion in your manipulated mind that you had to kill me in order to gain relief; you fought not to fight me. Love is the fact that, as I mentioned moments ago, you have taken my place in the firing line, more than once, or even two, or three, times. Spock, did your mind even know, during our fight, that your death instead of mine, was an option? One I hated, but still, an option? Once you stumbled into the arena; did your clouded, over-wrought mind give you the option of your own death?”

“No. All I felt was my pain; pain of every kind; until in what I thought were your very intense dying moments; it was then that my mind connected with yours, and I felt your pain. First, I felt your pain – and then, I realised; I thought that I had killed you.” Silk only in appearance; tears fell from Spock’s eyes, down his sculpted cheeks, as he recalled, and spoke, of this terrible thing for which he blamed himself. “I could see that I was fighting you, so I cannot claim that I thought I was fighting someone else, as my excuse. Most of the time, I was aware that it was you, and that I appeared to be fighting you. I was indeed fighting you.”

“Most of the time?” Jim queried.

“There were moments when I wished I was fighting Stonn, or T’Pring, or any of the bullies at whose hands I suffered. I even envisioned fighting T’Pau, and, to my shame, my father also – though I did not wish to kill him either – but I knew I was fighting you; even when my mind went off into the fantasy land where I was fighting these other people, whom have, at some point, if not continuously, neglected, supressed, oppressed, rejected, misunderstood, belittled, or enraged me; other times, I figured that it was myself I was fighting, or the roiling ball of lava that was the actual Plak Tow Fever, and the almost equally unseemly Pon Farr that burned in my loins and spiked through my entire body; those fantasy imaginings of getting to fight my tormentors, were cut with shards of the apparent reality we were both being made to experience.” Spock looked to Jim.

“So much pain…” Jim pondered. “It’s no wonder it boiled over; given the unprecedented circumstances which you were absolutely being forced to experience.”

“I ‘took it out on’ the wrong person; though there was no right person to vent it all on.. I believed that I loved you, but I can’t have. I hate that I am someone who is capable of taking out their violent temper, even in an attempt to rid themselves of it; only to end up using it on the person that least ‘deserves’ it.” Spock was, of course, honest.

“Please, Spock; don’t beat yourself up!” Jim walked around his desk, and crouched beside Spock’s seat, encouraging him to sit in it as he did so.

Spock did as Jim requested; then, turned to look at Jim, as Jim swivelled his seat around a little for him. “I beat you to death!” Spock reminded them both.

“No. You didn’t.” Jim reached out, and rubbed Spock’s nearest fore-arm, hoping the action would be soothing for him.

“I would have.” Spock said; full of self-loathing, and not trying, at the moment, to back away from it; trying to be Vulcan, wanting to be Vulcan, had caused enough pain and grief.

“I don’t think you would have.” Jim stated honestly.

“You are too kind to me.” Spock told him.

“No. I’m not. You are too unkind to yourself. You just told me that your mind was all over the place when we fought; that you were acting out the understandable idea of wanting to fight people who have been guilty of treating you more than unfairly, in many ways. The physical pain you were in scrambled your brain even further. The only thing you knew to be real was your anguish.” Jim continued to gently hold Spock’s arm.

“My instinct was to kill you; not to do the most loving thing I could have done, and let myself die.” Spock spoke up.

“In actuality, your instincts were skewed, my T’hy’la. All you knew in those moments was searing pain that made it impossible for you to think straight. You know that’s the truth.” Jim gently, affectionately squeezed Spock’s arm. “It’s not auto suggestion, or wishful thinking; stop hating yourself in spite of the truth.”

Spock turned in his seat to face Jim even more than before, and he let the man see him cry. The offspring of two worlds, and two peoples, the soul in pain, the mind and body that was weary, leant forward; elbows on his knees, and, as he did so, he felt Jim move closer, and embrace him.

“Mind meld with me. See what I observed of the fight that day, and of you. See why I would have felt as terrible as you, if you had died. Meld with me, and know my love for you, and yours for me. Don’t punish yourself, and deny yourself any of it. Let me love you. See that our friend, Leonard, made sure the fight finished early. See yourself plead not to fight me. I want to be with you, Spock, even through your next Pon Farr; through all of them. The Pon Farr won’t make you suffer the way the Plak Tow did. I don’t mean to deny the Pon Farr’s obvious potency – but you must remember, it was the Plak Tow; it was everything else that day, that resulted in us fighting. It was not your Pon Farr itself. You don’t deserve to fear the Pon Farr; to be embarrassed by the processes of sex, during the culmination of your seven year cycle, or at any other time, that you feel you need the love, the reassurance, the comfort, and the high, that is the sexual art of making love Let me show you. Let me be with you. I don’t ask that selflessly. I’m quite selfish about it. I’ll love it, too. As long as you consent to it, I will be willing. So, whenever you’re ready; if it’s what you want, we’ll make love, and I’ll make sure you love it, and I’ll love it, too!”

“What if you don’t, Jim?” Spock asked. “What if I get it all wrong again, be that by leaving things late enough for the Plak Tow to render the Pon Farr impossible to heed, or by simply not being any good at making love? What if I’m too strong; too frustrated, for you? What if I’m simply lacking in skill and intuition? What if I lose sight of you again? What if I hurt you again??”

“Do you actually believe that some part of you, or your situation, will leave you apparently motivated to hurt me again?” Jim asked calmly.

“No -but I have so many hidden phobias, Jim. I confess that I am scared of them, and by the idea that I might not know just how many of these phobias, which screw with my brain’s pathways, I do have. You should be scared of them, too.” Spock warned Jim.

Jim stood up, whilst still, and all the while, holding Spock’s hand; he grabbed for another nearby chair, and placed it next to the one in which Spock sat. Jim then sat in that chair, on the edge of it, still turned to face Spock, and still holding Spock’s hand. He moved his other hand to hold Spock’s other hand as well, and then, he brought their hands together, and caressed Spock’s knuckles with the sides of his thumbs.

Spock looked up at Jim the whole time.

“Let’s banish these phobias. They are our enemies. We’ve faced down hundreds of enemies together.” Jim noted. “Let’s meld. I’ll show you my love for you, and I’ll show you that you can, again, have faith in your love for me. I know that you weren’t imagining that love. I know you. I have seen, and can see, into your eyes, and your soul, which have expressed so much to me. I can help you sort through it all, and, when it’s been sorted; if you still think you should leave, I will consider letting you go, but right here, right now, I don’t think that leaving me, and not knowing this love we have, is what’s best for you. I’ve been touched by you, and felt the rush of love you have for me within you, and I know I wasn’t just imagining it to be there because I want it to be. I will never keep you prisoner. I just want to help to set you free of all this pain, so that you can then truly make your own decisions. Have faith in yourself again; start by having faith in yourself through me. It won’t be cloaking who you really are. It won’t be wishful thinking, or self-delusion, from either of us.” Jim promised. He sat back in his seat, put his arm around Spock’s shoulder, and pulled Spock’s weary body, mind, and soul, to him – to rest, and be rejuvenated. “I love you, Spock.” He genuinely pledged to his T’hy’la.

Spock sat, being held by Jim, caressed, and cared for, by him. The Vulcan-human already felt the delicate yet strong threads of a Mind Meld, and a Bond, between them. He drifted on the crest of those gentle, but purpose filled waves, toward Jim, and felt Jim reach out to him. Everything Spock’s mind and soul consisted of, opened up, all around him, and Jim walked into that space with him, and, in turn, opened the door to his own mind, and soul; ‘til all that was Jim, and all that was Spock, swirled around, and drifted through each other. They could still sense their individuality, but they could also see, and touch upon, every element of each other; every perspective they each considered and processed.

“You won’t taint me, sweetheart. There is nothing in who you are that could put any dark mark on my soul, mind, or body. Neither is there any reason for you to think that you let yourself be overcome by all the things that plagued you that day. Stop blaming yourself.” Jim told Spock. “See this wonderful love that you have for me – This love, is what you are capable of; you amazing person!”

Spock cried again; tears of love, relief, joy, and at-long-last-found happiness. “Thank you, my Ashaya, my T’hy’la. I love you!” He answered.

“I know you do!” Jim re-assured Spock, and delighted in feeling the love that Spock definitely kept, and felt, for him. “Thank you, my sweetheart… My Ashaya. Don’t worry anymore. We are T’hy’la, and we must celebrate that Bond, and rest in it. It is fact, and I am so grateful; so uplifted by that.”

“As am I, Jim. I thank you, my love.” Spock kissed Jim with the utmost tenderness, and felt his and Jim’s love all around them both, as they continued to respond to that kiss, and to the proper unveiling of their love.

The End..? 13th/14th August 2016


End file.
